Valentines isnt About Romance
So… can we just say it?
Valentine’s Day is a bit odd.
There’s this assumption that it’s meant to be romantic.
As though romance is the only kind of love that counts.
As though connection only matters if it’s candlelit, mutually declared, and preferably shared in all the right places.
By midlife, most women have clocked that this isn’t quite true.
Romance turns out to be a pretty unreliable way of telling whether life actually feels good.
You can be in a relationship and feel oddly relieved when Valentine’s plans don’t happen.
You can be single and perfectly content — until a supermarket aisle suddenly has opinions.
You can be deeply loved and still feel strangely flat about the whole thing.
None of that fits on an appropriate card.
Somewhere along the way, Valentine’s became a mirror.
Not a celebration so much as a comparison.
A day that quietly asks questions no one invited it to ask.
A day of stock taking if you will . Not in a dramatic way...
Just a subtle pause where certain thoughts slip through.
Thats why humour has crept in around the edges.
The memes.
The jokes about ordering takeaway.
The exaggerated love for pets.
The creative relabelling to Palentine’s Day, Singles Awareness Day and Platonic friends day.
The very deliberate opting out.
It's inclusive. It's experience.
And I'd venture then that romance is quite easy to perform.
But living inside it — day to day — is another story.
What seems to matter more shows up in quieter places.
In whether you feel generally at ease, or always slightly on edge.
In whether decisions feel straightforward, or weirdly draining.
In whether life feels like something you’re enjoying… or just managing reasonably well.
And no one really says this out loud, but flowers don’t fix overthinking., and
Candlelight doesn’t calm a nervous system that’s been running hot for years.
So Valentine’s Day doesn’t create these thoughts.
It just gives them a little space.
A pause where you notice what’s already been there in the background.
Is this actually working for me?
Do I feel settled… or just busy?
Did I miss something — or did I choose something different?
Nothing dramatic.
Just honest.
So maybe Valentine’s isn’t about romance.
Maybe it’s about noticing the kinds of love that don’t make much of a fuss.
The ones that look like comfort, humour, familiarity, boundaries, relief.
The ones that don’t need effort or proving or a table for two.
And maybe it’s just a reminder that the longest relationship of all — the one you’re in with yourself — probably deserves at least as much care as a dinner plan.
Anyway.
That’s just something I’ve been thinking about.
No candles required. ☕️