Dear Sue: My Inner Critic is Ruining My Life– How Do I Shut Her Up?
I don’t even know where to start. Every time I try to do something different—apply for a new job, speak up in a meeting, even wear something that makes me feel amazing—there she is. That voice in my head.
She’s cruel, she’s relentless, and she always knows exactly what to say to make me doubt myself. “You’re too old to start over.” “You’ll embarrass yourself.” “What if you fail?”
I feel like I’m stuck on a loop of hesitation and second-guessing. Meanwhile, I see other women taking risks, reinventing themselves, making big changes. How do I shut this voice up for good? How do I finally start living the life I know I’m meant for?
— Trapped in Self-Doubt
Dear Trapped in Self-Doubt,
Oh, I hear you. And so would millions of other women who have spent a lifetime being shadowed by that voice—the one that holds you back just as you’re about to take a leap, the one that makes you shrink when you should be standing tall.
Here’s what you need to know: that voice is not the voice of truth. It’s the voice of fear. And fear—while persistent—is also predictable. She has a script. She recycles the same lines over and over, tweaking them just enough to sound convincing. But if you learn how to recognize her game, you can stop playing by her rules.
Let’s break this down, shall we?
Step 1: Identify the Lies
Your inner critic thrives on repetition. She whispers the same doubts so often that they start to feel like reality. Let’s shine a light on them:
"You’re too old to start over."
Translation:
You might fail,
and I don’t want you to get hurt.
"You’ll embarrass yourself."
Translation:
People might judge you,
and I want to keep you safe
"What ifyou fail?"
Translation:
I’d rather you not try than risk disappointment.
Time to Reframe
Next time that voice pipes up, respond like you would to a friend in crisis. Would you ever say,
“You’re a lost cause, don’t even try” to someone you love? No? Then don’t allow your inner voice to say it to you.
Step 2: Rewrite the Script
Imagine if your inner critic were an actual person following you around all day, muttering in your ear. Would you let her stay in your life? Or would you tell her to pack up and leave?
Instead of
“I always
mess up.”
“I always
mess up.”
Say:
“I am always learning.”
Instead of
“Everyone will
judge me.”
“Everyone will
judge me.”
Say:
“People are too busy living their
own lives to analyze mine.”
Instead of“I’ll probablywill fail.”
Say:
“I have failed before, and I’m still here. I’m resilient.”
Try This
Write down the top three phrases your inner critic loves to use. Then, rewrite them as if you were speaking to someone you deeply cared about. Keep these reframes somewhere visible—on your mirror, your phone wallpaper, or your desk.
Step 3: Take Action Before You Feel Ready
Imagine if your inner critic were an actual person following you around all day, muttering in your ear. Would you let her stay in your life?
Or would you tell her....
Here’s a secret most confident women know: confidence comes from action, not the other way around.
If you wait to feel ready before taking a leap, you’ll be waiting forever.
Research shows that taking bold action rewires your brain, weakening the hold of self-doubt over time.
Rebellion Challenge
Do something this week that your inner critic would absolutely hate. Apply for that job, post that idea, book that trip. Dare to act before you feel ready.
Final Thoughts: Step Into Boldness This March
March is a season of renewal, momentum, and bold action. As winter fades, nature reminds us that growth happens whether we feel ready or not.
This month, challenge yourself to take up space. Whether it’s setting a boundary, saying “yes” to an opportunity, or quieting that inner critic long enough to take a leap—March is your time to move forward.
Your Next Step:
🌱 Choose one bold action this week. Something your inner critic would hate.
🌱 Reframe one negative thought before you go to bed. Start replacing fear with self-trust.
🌱 Save this page and revisit it whenever self-doubt creeps in.
This is your moment. Take it. You’re stronger than your doubts.